Confusion is just confusing...

It is probably a really good thing that I have this outlet for me to type all my thoughts down because I can't handle writing stuff down...I am not a writer, I am a typer. So, I had a good conversation today with a very good friend and it is just so nice to be really honest and just say whatever you are thinking. Whether positive or negative things are said, you know that that person will be there and has your back. It is a good feeling.
School is getting to be pretty busy and I am almost at that point where I don't care anymore. But hopefulyl I will be able to hang on for a few more days to get these darn midterms over with and then I am basically done alot of work until finals. And then I will be half way done my second year of University!! That is ridiculous!! But a nice thought...even though the future scares me because I have no idea what I want to do. On one hand I want to go off to Africa or some random place for a few years and just completely immerse myself in helping other people and totally being God's worker and not distracted by my life back here. But on the other hand, I don't want to move away and lose contact with all my friends and miss out on potential relationships with people. And If I do go away for a few years...I will be like 24 when I come back...and then I will want to settle down but I would like to settle down before that and hopefully get married and work as a physiotherapist or something of that nature....and then have kids eventually...and I know God has it all figured out but it would nice to know what is in the plans. But I guess that takes away from ther surprises of life huh?
But you know what really scares me....dying. I used to think, it's just dying and I will be with God and in a better place, just singing His praises and worshipping until all hours of the night...but actually leaving earth is a crazy thought...because heaven is going to be totally different...and even though the earth has some bad aspects, I like it. And I know it can't even begin to compare to heaven but yeah....it's comfortable here and I everyone I love is here...and I don't know.....why am I rambling? I could be sleeping....mmm...sleep sounds good. Okay, AND SCENE.