I don't even know what to think...

I have so many thoughts right now.....I just sat in my bed for about 20 minutes looking at my walls and thinking about life and weddings and all of my friends. One of my dearest friends Trev just told me he is engaged to his girlfriend of 5 and a half months. He is super excited and I am very happy for them. But I have mixed feelings and I have no idea why. Sometimes I just get so....confused and caught up in things and it drives me nuts. I think the reason why I have mixed feelings is not because I am jealous that yet another one of my friends is getting married, or maybe it is that, but he is prolly one of thee most amazing guys I know and he is officially taken. And he is going to be so good to her...and he is just thee perfect guy to marry because he loves God, first and foremost and he knows what he wants out of life, and he is stable and has a job and he just loves life and loves her. And because of all that, he will just be an amazing husband. And after three months of dating Janice, he knew that he wanted to be with her for the rest of their lives. That is amazing. And I honestly don't even know why I am writing about this but I just can't stop thinking about it. And just....ack, I don't know. I wish I could just sort out of my thoughts, and only think them once and then have them on store if I wanted to read them again and not have them replaying in my head. Okay, so, I am happy for them. The wedding is August 20th...(the fourth wedding I will be going to this summer)...and it will be good and I pray that God will bless them abundantly in their lives together as Trev has blessed me so much from knowing him for the past 5 years. Phew...now hopefully I can get some sleep. No, I can't..there is still something bugging me.....what the heck is it? I listened to Trev and I's song "Your Everything" by Keith Urban and it just made me sad....and I know this is going to sound totally selfish and horrible but I have to let go of him now. He's not mine anymore....he has promised himself to another woman and...it just kind of changes things. That doesn't even make sense.....but like, we went out..and it didn't work out because of age differences and timing but had that have been right, it could have been me. But...that is horrible. He found her, God chose her for him. I need to get over this. I am ridiculous. sorry for you who are reading this...but I think I figured it out....basically, when is it going to be my turn? And God shouts in my face "When I decide!!!!" I need to get that through my head. Out.